My Story

My whole life has been filled with pain but it most of it started when my parents got divorced when I was 2. But what really ruined my life was when I was 6, I was raped by my stepmother's roommate. The experience was so traumatizing my mind repressed it up until I was 14. Through my whole life, after the rape, I felt worthless and unloved and I didn't know why. I was treated like trash by everyone. "Men" would touch me inappropriately and my own father hated me. He was always drunk and had a bad temper. When he couldn't take all his anger out on my stepmother he would go for me. I hated when he would hurt me but I would rather he hurt me and not my stepmother.
I have sort of strange gift that most people call me crazy or creepy for but, I'm able to dream of future deaths or loses. And by the time I was 9 I had dreamed of multiple deaths.. it just added to my pain. I had so much pain that I could only think of one way to relieve it. So, from the ages of 12-13, I would cut myself. I stopped when I attempted suicide. I realized that what I was doing was just an escape from the pain and I had been running from it all my life when I should've been confronting it.
Around the time I turned 14 and had been fighting the pain for a few months I met someone who gave me the strength to realize where the pain had come from. So, a month before I turned 15, I remembered the rape. If I had been alone when I remembered it I probley would've lost my mind.
After I remembered the rape it hurt knowing what that man did to me when I was so young but, knowing and accepting it made it easier to forgive him and let it go. I can now wake up and not think of the rape but, think of the one person who helped me get through it and who still helps me fight my pain.
What I've learned from the experience and all the pain I've felt is to never give up and to love and forgive regardless of what has happened. But forgiving doesn't mean you forget.
That's my story. What's yours?
          
                        Rosie