Pain

Remember in my other post I talked about a certain person who helped me get through fighting for my freedom and fighting my pain and past? Well, he's my best friend and ex-boyfriend. Yes, I said ex..he broke up with me today and it hurts so much..especially since he's my best friend. Because I'm still talking with him and every time I do I remember that he broke up with me. The reason why he broke up with me is ridiculous but, I've already forgiven him. That's the first step to getting over your pain and sorrow. Forgiveness. If you don't forgive then you can't move on because your stuck in the past. I had to forgive the man who raped me so I could move on with my life and follow my dreams. I have to forgive my father every time he hits me or my stepmom. Because if I don't then I would hate him and hate is another way of being stuck in the past. I have to forgive the kids who use to bully me and the "Men" who would sexually harass me because if I don't then I'd feel worthless.
As for the second step to let go of your pain? You have to figure that out for yourself. It's different for everyone. Good luck fellow Lilys of Chastity. My prayers are with you.
                
                                        Rosie

Finding comfort :)

The richest man (or woman) is the man (or woman) who finds pleasure in the cheapest things. ~ Unknown

 

I'm a minimalist so I don't need much to live on. And also to find joy in. I can find joy in the smallest of things. Like, Pocky, colorful socks (like my orange ones I'm wearing right now.), music, writing poetry in my head or on paper, singing, hoodies that smell like my boyfriend/best friend, playing with my dog or my kitty cat, talking on the phone with my boyfriend or my cousin, and watching movies with my mom till 3 in the morning. 

  Finding happiness in the small things means when you find happiness in something bigger you'll be devoted to it and want it so more then anything. So, you'll fight for it. 

  Fighting for what makes me happy has helped me on my journey to my dream. In one of my last post I put that someone has helped me fight against my pain and my past. But something he told me once is "I'm not always going to be there to hold your hand, sweetie. I will always support you but, you have to learn to fight for yourself." And, so I'm learning how to fight for myself. That's a major step on my journey to my dreams and to over coming what happened to me so many years ago. 

 The people who love and support you will always do that if their sincere. But you have to fight for your freedom fellow lily's of chastity.

                          

                                 Rosie 

My Story

My whole life has been filled with pain but it most of it started when my parents got divorced when I was 2. But what really ruined my life was when I was 6, I was raped by my stepmother's roommate. The experience was so traumatizing my mind repressed it up until I was 14. Through my whole life, after the rape, I felt worthless and unloved and I didn't know why. I was treated like trash by everyone. "Men" would touch me inappropriately and my own father hated me. He was always drunk and had a bad temper. When he couldn't take all his anger out on my stepmother he would go for me. I hated when he would hurt me but I would rather he hurt me and not my stepmother.
I have sort of strange gift that most people call me crazy or creepy for but, I'm able to dream of future deaths or loses. And by the time I was 9 I had dreamed of multiple deaths.. it just added to my pain. I had so much pain that I could only think of one way to relieve it. So, from the ages of 12-13, I would cut myself. I stopped when I attempted suicide. I realized that what I was doing was just an escape from the pain and I had been running from it all my life when I should've been confronting it.
Around the time I turned 14 and had been fighting the pain for a few months I met someone who gave me the strength to realize where the pain had come from. So, a month before I turned 15, I remembered the rape. If I had been alone when I remembered it I probley would've lost my mind.
After I remembered the rape it hurt knowing what that man did to me when I was so young but, knowing and accepting it made it easier to forgive him and let it go. I can now wake up and not think of the rape but, think of the one person who helped me get through it and who still helps me fight my pain.
What I've learned from the experience and all the pain I've felt is to never give up and to love and forgive regardless of what has happened. But forgiving doesn't mean you forget.
That's my story. What's yours?
          
                        Rosie

Learning to kick some ass. :)

I started tae kwon do today. I'm learning it so I can gain disciple, strength, and how to defend myself from a predator. My sansei, or however you spell that, he's like the nazi of tae kwon do, haha. He's very bossy but I respect him because he's very strong and actually very nice. If I'm doing something wrong he doesn't put me on the spot, he whispers it to me. It makes me feel confident and respected and not embarrassed. How is he like the nazi of tae kwon do? Besides the nice part he's like "FIGHTING STANCE!" "TOE'S TOGETHER!" "25 JUMPING JACKS!" *then someone is like* "We already did that Sir!" *and he's like* "DID I ASK IF YOU DID IT ALREADY?! DO 40 JUMPING JACKS!!" *someone tries to leave the mat* "IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE THE MAT YOU MUST BOW TO ME AND THEN LEAVE THE MAT!!" But other then that he's very nice. ^_^ Oooh, pocky! (japanese chocolate treat) Aw..it's strawberry. :(
Word of advice for the day: Learn to defend yourself in every way. It gives you the strength and confidence to face anything you encounter.
                                           Rosie